Be careful what you tolerate. You are teaching people how to treat you ~ Unknown
Love is not a reason to tolerate disrespect.
One of the myths (lies) that I most passionate about dispelling is the dreadful, awful teaching that you demonstrate your love by the degree to which you are prepared to sacrifice yourself for someone you love.
This is insane bullshit that doesn’t get any less insane because most of the world buys it.
And it is probably responsible for more failed and toxic relationships and more screwed up people than almost any other belief.
Why on earth would anyone that truly, properly, deeply loved you require you to sacrifice yourself, who you are, what you are passionate about, what makes you who you are?
When you slow down and think about it does that make ANY SENSE AT ALL?
Does it sound healthy, the basis for a strong, respectful relationship?
Or does it sound like the basis for an unhealthy, toxic and potentially abusive one?
You are responsible for teaching people how to treat you.
It is your job to set the standards you are willing to accept.
You cannot control or force others to meet those standards but you have 100% control over whether you passively accept bad behaviour or firmly and directly make clear when others’ behaviour is unacceptable.
If you want your relationships to be healthy and to ADD TO YOUR LIFE instead of being a burden, you have to stop tolerating bad behaviour.
Categorically it will not go away on its own. In fact it’s most likely to get worse.
It will remain part of that relationship until you make it clear that you will no longer tolerate it.
When those standards truly matter to you, when you hold true to them (live with integrity) those that truly love you will gladly adhere to them.
The only people who will get upset about you setting boundaries are the ones who benefitted from you having none.
Are those the people you really want in your life?